Lost Without You
by kzlovers
Summary: Leo dives into the night that he and Raphael fought on that rooftop. Scars seem to remain and Raph finally asks to speak with Leo to discuss what has been bothering the leader. Warning: tcest.


A TMNT Fanfic based on the 2007 movie

Rating: T

Warning: Tcest and violence

Paring: Raph/Leo

Summary: Leo dives into the night that he and Raphael fought on that rooftop. Scars seem to remain and Raph finally asks to speak with Leo to discuss what has been bothering the leader.

Lost Without You

Wind flash by his right cheek as he shifted to dodge the curled fingers that almost landed on his skin. Despite the heat of the battle, it caused a temporary coolness that was barely noticed as another fist flew in his direction. Feet skipped back to avoid what could have been a direct hit to the abdominal. Every blow that was meant to land failed as he was always on step quicker in avoidance of each.

Would it have been different if they were sparing on the top of a roof instead of in the confines of their home? Would it have mattered if the ground they hurdled on was wet from rain instead of soft from the padded mats that held indentations from overuse? Perhaps. Actually, he believed it so.

Now as they went at one another, the two held back. They had not that night. That night was when many true colors were shown; clear from rain drops and sounds of thunder as blue was worn by the one who felt confident in his choice to pursue the one of metal, only it being the brother who wore red to match his anger. It held true that night, especially that particular night.

When he found out who the Nightwatcher had been, guilt and shame for his choice of words had instantly flooded through the forest-green brother. It had not lasted as his calm began to resolve the longer he listened to his younger brother's rash words for his decisions; the broken family, their lost brothers, their leader abandoning them. Though he tried to explain he only wanted to be better for them, it meant nothing to the enraged emerald turtle. Nothing said seemed to get past that thick skull.

Anger winning more every second, sais were finally drawn, practically daring the older to charge at him. He did not want that, for he knew it would help nothing, but the hotheaded brother was far gone. There was no other choice but to fight.

A current leg sweep was done to hopefully catch the younger off guard, but he knew exactly what the other was planning and easily avoided the fall. He tried to counterattack awhile the leg still stuck out, but the older brother was quicker and stood to both feet before blocking a hard fist. Dark eyes locked onto golden ones. This brought the memories back in full force.

Weapons clashed loudly, making the contact of the metal ring throughout the cold, silent night that only had the fall of rain to accompany it. As the fight wore on, agitation seemed to only intensify between them. Near the end, sai and katana captured in one another as it became a matter of strength to claim victor. What happened next surprised the older greatly as he watched his prized swords snap right before his eyes.

That was not what broke him, but what happened after as he stared dumbfounded at his brother but was only answered with kicks that sent him flying to the slick ground. Metal came so close to his face that he thought for sure blood was about to be drawn.

As he looked at up at his brother, even if slight fear existed in him, what was mainly felt was brokenness. Anger golden orbs stared into those lost ones. Only then did it dawn on the hotheaded brother what he had almost done. Disbelief had taken over his features as he slowly stood. Sudden horror took over as he then ran; ran from the fight, ran from his brother, ran from the truth. Raphael almost killed Leonardo that night.

"Enough!" Splinter made clear across the room.

Mikey and Don easily relaxed their stances as they pulled apart from the spar before giving each other a high-five for a job well done. Leo and Raph did not as quickly pull away as they stared at one another. It was as if there was something they were trying to figure out, something they were perhaps searching for. It was really unknown though.

"I said enough!" Their father repeated more strictly this time.

That seemed to snap whatever trance the older brothers were caught in. They stepped away before taking their places on the floor in front of their sensei. He spoke of what he observed as the strengths and weaknesses of that particular day and to just watch and perfect any faults. They were not kept long before being dismissed to go about their normal days.

Mike went to his room to read through some new comics he recently got his hands on. Don locked himself in his lab to finish whatever experiment he had wrapped himself in. Splinter chose to stay in the dojo to hopefully have some peaceful meditation before the youngest son found some way to disturb that.

Leo watched as Raph went to the punching bag that resided in the practice area in part of the main room in the lair. Fists instantly abused the rough, torn up fabric as if agitated with something. He could not be sure of why, but for some odd reason, he kept his dark eyes on the thick muscled turtle that punched away aimlessly.

As if all knowing, the thumps stopped as he then turned to meet Leo's eyes with his own. "Ya need something?"

How many ways could he answer that question? After that night, they both acted if the other was not there, as if ignoring each other was best. Raph had said he accepted him, but Leo now wondered if any of those words rang true, or if it was just a spur of the moment. Even now this look was embedded in those yellow eyes as had been the same as then when he had leaned over him, sai close to his cheek.

Leo hesitated but he finally replied. "No."

The older turned away and headed into the kitchen. He had not realized but he was followed.

"Well I need something."

Leo turned to see those gold eyes now piercing through him. It was the strangest thing to suddenly be a feet or so close to the brother that been across the lair only mere moments ago. He had been surprised at the sudden intrusion but had not shown it.

"What is it?"

"Follow me," Raph answered cryptic-like as he then headed towards the lair exit. The forest-green turtle was unsure if this was wise, but then, something had to be done. They could not continue to ignore the other as they had been.

Feet padded through water as Leo quietly followed his brother in the maze-like sewer tunnels. After what felt like hours of walking endlessly away from the lair, the emerald-green turtle finally stopped and turned around to face his older brother.

"Go ahead."

"W…What?" Leo questioned, confusion clearly noticeable in his tone.

"Say what you want to say. Beat the shit outta me if it'll make ya feel better," he drawled in slight agitation at having to explain. "Every time I see ya and you see me, ya look like you've seen a ghost, like yer afraid I'm gonna hurt ya or somthin'."

"It's not that," Leo answered quietly.

"Then wha is it? Ya scared of a recap of what happened on that rooftop?" He instantly saw his older brother tense up and knew he was dead on. "Say what ya gotta say."

Fear gripped itself tightly inside Leonardo as he suddenly felt it hard to breathe. What could he say? There were so many thoughts, yet none he had fully admitted to himself, or at least, had not wanted to acknowledge.

"Why do you hate me so much?" He finally asked, letting the words roll off his tongue despite hesitation wanting to take over.

"I don't hate ya Fearless," Raph answered.

He then stepped closer, first one and then several steps until there was barely any room left. Leo's eyes never left Raph's golden ones even as there was now barely any space left. He felt confused but did not want to run away.

"Then what is this?"

As if to answer his question, Raphael swiftly leaned in to place his lips on Leo's. The older could not help but shudder at the new sensation that ran along his spine. A kiss was one action he never imagined he would experience, let alone with any of his brothers. Somehow, though, it did not bother him.

"This is why I was so angry," Raph finally answered when the kiss ended, but their lips still remained close as they felt breaths spread on one another's faces. "I did not want to let you go. Not only that, but your gone longer than you should have been."

"I'm sorry Raph," Leo whispered, "I just wanted to be a better leader for you all."

"I know. I just didn't give two shits. All I wanted was my brother back."

He could not help but let his lips curl upward at the honesty in those words. "Thank you Raphael."

"Heh, don't thank me yet."

Before Leo could question what he meant, lips covered his once more, but it held much more passion than the last. Happiness filled the older brother as he wrapped his arms around Raph to then pull him closer. He missed his brother, all aspects, even the angry ones. Raph meant much to Leo, and always had. Raphael had felt lost without Leonardo, and Leo could not help but admit to himself that he felt the same while he had been away.

*Hello! I just kind of wanted to do something with these two. I wanted to do something a bit different with this… but oh well. I would like to dive more into them sometime because they have an interesting relationship. Anyway, I hope you guys liked it. Thanks for reading!


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